Lonely & Assaulted.

I feel like a little boy, holding a basket of hearts.

I'm walking around, trying to hand out these hearts to people.

Some people take it & put it in their pocket, others ignore it.

But no one offers me one of their hearts from their basket.

THESE FEELINGS ARE SO HEAVY.

Do I feel more than other people? No… probably not…?

but I’m curious how many people feel this feeling.

Loneliness speaks to our deep hunger to be known.

I’m so used to always having a girl or many friends around me.

When I don't have this, the pain screams out louder & temptation for counterfeit fulfillment grows.

I need a drink.

I need to smoke.

a workout would probably help.

I need a healthy meal.

I need to have sex.

I want a hug.

Let me put on some music & avoid all this.

I don't hear people talk about the time period when you’re in-between friend groups.

I’ve outgrown my old friend group but I haven't found the next one yet.

In the past I would just move cities but this time I feel like I need to stay here…. & press through this.

Been single for 9 weeks now.

Ha… that’s not even really that long.. but It’s felt like eternity.

I miss her a lot. We’ve exchanged a few texts. She’s feelin great mentally without me.

I’m battling a lot.

I was the one who chose to end things… why do I miss her so much?

But I feel as though I’m on the right path.

I’m doin things differently this time.

Day 7 sober.

Dealing with these emotions with zero distractions.

Writing a lot, lifting heavy, daily sauna. Eating healthy. 10,000 steps a day.

Canceled a sex date.

No porn. No rebounds.

Don’t wanna give my energy to those things.

I feel momentum pickin’ up.

Well… this is a new one…

I got assaulted yesterday walking downtown Phoenix.

3pm, gettin steps in with Steve.

A guy came up to me and smoked me in the back of the head.

Didn’t even hear him comin.

Pretty good hit. Cheap shot. what a fuckin wimp.

Then he started yelling “Where's my phone? Where's my fucking phone?!”

He was mexican, 5 foot 7ish with face & neck tattoos.

I’ll recognize him when I see him again.

My first thought was I need to carry a gun.

Second thought was I need to train in jiu-jitsu.

I turned around & took a step towards him. He backs away & runs off.

at least it was me & not Steve.

Well now I’m sober & concussed. great. Why did this happen to me?

What is the universe trying to tell me?

Too soon to say…

Last day of January.

Feelin pretty stoked about the foundations laid this month.

Been sober during the week, lil wine & weed on the weekends.

Still no girls. Still writing a lot. Still training hard.

Looks like God closed the doors for goin back to restaurants.

Lots of potentials coming down the pipeline for new clients.

Law attorney, Phoenix Laser Clinic, SkyMD, potential trip to Tulum.

Runway show comin up, got paid for AZFW. Lots of shoots with new brands.

Signed up for a new Talent agency. Shot with a MLB pitcher.

Made a new instagram for Luke’s Letter.

@foutsboy hit 5k followers & engagement is up.

Shot a music vid for Hollywood.

Got keys to PEP (private pro football training facility)

Got two laser treatments, and I can sprint again.

Got business advice from James that helped a ton with pricing & contracts.

Negotiating better deals, charging more.

Attracting, not chasing.

Month two is here.

Let’s fuckin go.